Urawa - Story

[Gyuri]

This is a competition for the 2nd Chapter of our little ninjas life! Please come up with something that follows the over all story line as stated in the sticky thread in this forum and build off of the story in Tokyo.
I hope to wrap this up this week and you get 1000 points boost to your gear as reward!

Good luck!

Tokyo:
You were born without recognition of your parents with no where to stay and nothing free to eat. The Streets of Tokyo are a harsh and dangerous place to live, but this is nothing compared to the dreams you have of great and powerful ninja. You remember faint stories of a great warrior ninja that moves faster than sound and strikes harder than lightening, but all you can think of now is shelter and food.

[Hashassin]

..........

[JKR]

..........

???

seems a lil bland, i will post soon

[Hashassin]

???

seems a lil bland, i will post soon

actually joker, i had a post up
but i didn't like it, so i edited it out, and i had to input ten character for it to let post the edit, so i put .'s

that wasn't as random as it looks

[JKR]

hahahhaaha

cool i was just checkin

ahahaha

[pappi]

Urawa:
You have been taken in by an elderly couple who give you food and shelter in exchange for working in their shop. While working in the shop you begin training with a karate master. He teaches you the basics of self defense and meditation. He sees great potential in you and starts your training in what will eventually take over your life, for the good and the bad. you soon leave your adopted family to train full time under your new sensei. He teaches you of the great prophecies and of legends of great warriors who fought against the emperor and eventually lost. But only one story keeps your attention and that is the story of a great ninja whom the emperor could not kill but threatened his family if he did not disappear. So he disappeared never to be heard from again until now when you, who he believes to be the chosen one the prophecies have predicted, have become his student.

[JKR]

Urawa:
You have been taken in by an elderly couple who give you food and shelter in exchange for working in their shop. While working in the shop you begin training with a karate master. He teaches you the basics of self defense and meditation. He sees great potential in you and starts your training in what will eventually take over your life, for the good and the bad. you soon leave your adopted family to train full time under your new sensei. He teaches you of the great prophecies and of legends of great warriors who fought against the emperor and eventually lost. But only one story keeps your attention and that is the story of a great ninja whom the emperor could not kill but threatened his family if he did not disappear. So he disappeared never to be heard from again until now when you, who he believes to be the chosen one the prophecies have predicted, have become his student.


whaT!!!!

now now now, we didnt say change your submission after its been criticized
i will foremost say to not consider this submission now that it has been revised...needs to be a one shot kind of thing, not a oh now i wanna change it let me change it

[Hashassin]

not a bad submission
and i know we are supposed to tie this into joker's overall sweep of the storyline,
but these are MISSION descriptions......shouldn't they explain who you are hitting and why?

for example, i know no one ever saw them, but when i wrote mine, i tried to use the beginning of my description to further the story, explaining what just happend after you completed the last fight

the middle portion was to to set up the fight you are entering

then used the latter portion of my description to explain the "now" moment

after you finish reading it
you kill the botninja

move on to the next mission
where again the beginning of that one would explain what just happened when you killed that last ninjabot and so on

simply moving the story along doesn't really.......involve the player enough

*shrug*
just critique

take it or leave it

[Bones]

i would like to hear your idea for the storyline hash, the way you explain it makes it sound really good.

[Hashassin]

i would like to hear your idea for the storyline hash, the way you explain it makes it sound really good.

due to my lengthy response and the fact that this thread is not the place for it
i have responded to this on your profile page bones

[Bones]

oh, it would have been interesting to have the storyline be yours. the detail might have made it easier to come up with descriptions of all the places seperately.

[Gyuri]

it is about time to wrap this story up ... if noone else is going to submit in the next two days, pappi is the winner!
Good luck!

[Ninja9]

In your search for food, you enter the city of Urawa. The people here are richer and their pockets are quite a bit heavier. One day, in your search for money, you pickpocketed a man. You count the money in the man's coin purse. There is a fortune there! As you leave your alley hideout, the man you pickpocketed appears in the alley entrance.There is no other way out. You charge the man in hopes of somehow overpowering him. The man wrestles you to the ground. He says, "You wretched street urchin! How dare you steal from me!" He pulls out a knife from his belt, and holds it to your throat. At that moment, something happened to the man. He slumped over, dead, in your arms. You see a kunai sticking out of the man's back. A voice from behind you says, "I'm impressed, to steal from that man, he WAS a renown martial artist and such bravery, rushing him like that. You could make a great ninja someday. Come with me and you can be my apprentice." You turn around and see a ninja standing over you. He reaches his hand out to you, and you take it.

[Ninja9]

How will the prize be given?
(DISCLAIMER: i DO NOT THINK I AM GOING TO WIN, BUT I AM MAKING SURE ABOUT THE PRIZE IF I DO.:D)
Because if you are going to up the points on gear, the gear i have isn't donor gear, so if the DP runs out i would lose it.

[Bones]

thats a pretty good story Ninja, i think im going with your story. its pretty long but gives a lot of detail.

[Ninja9]

Thanks Bones!:D

[JKR]

Tokyo:
You were born without recognition of your parents with no where to stay and nothing free to eat. The Streets of Tokyo are a harsh and dangerous place to live, but this is nothing compared to the dreams you have of great and powerful ninja. You remember faint stories of a great warrior ninja that moves faster than sound and strikes harder than lightening, but all you can think of now is shelter and food.
Reply With Quote

Urawa

As you travel along your way, you take shelter in the little town of Urawa. Noticing that this place is a small step up from your last stay, you also realize that it becomes harder to live on your own. You notice a family on a picnic being attacked by two bears. The older father of the family notices you as to slay both animals to protect them. He ask if you need a place to stay for a while, and you immediately mumble "Yes", as you realize that your life of stealing will need to end. You are pleased that now you have a warm, dry place to sleep at night and warm food to eat. During the nights, you venture out to alleys and bars to be involved with various fights. The old man follows you and notices your skill. Finally, he sets you down and hands you a book of prophecy. As you begin reading, you notice the similarities between the warrior in the book...and the warrior in your dreams.

I would advice the missions to begin with (and gets harder):
Small bear
Big Bear
Drunk
Small Thug
Big Thug
Gang member
Bartender
Boss: Gang Leader (after win...random drop of special item???)http://www.etepnosnevets.com/pics/Kyoto/images/restaurantkyotopanops.jpg

[Ninja9]

Nice Joker! I'm excited to see who wins.

[Ninja9]

Would anybody be opposed to me doing some editing? I would like to add, some ideas and fix some spelling/grammar errors. If you think that, that is unfair i won't do so.

[JKR]

i will say only for spelling/grammer...if you change your story, you might be unfair to someone who has their ideas already down.

i dont really agree with pappi changing his either, but he did change his before anyone else submitted theirs...so its less of an issue...

all in all, yes i would have a slight problem with it

[Ninja9]

ok. i wont change anything but the spelling/grammar errors. Thanks for telling me, i didn't want to upset any of you.

[Jarmuth]

So... I want to know if there will be competitions in the near future... I just not got registered on the forums... but I read what was submitted for this competition and I will have to say that Ninja9's story would be my pick... although if his is chosen I would like to seen some modifications to it... but yeah I don't know you were going to have a poll or not, and i only saw that Bones was the only one who was reading them and giving input... so I thought i might give another outsider's opinion..

[Gyuri]

yes there will be a lot more competitions ... we need story for all the places :) ...
This one is about done so I'm going to add the poll and see who wins.

[Gyuri]

you will get special gear if you don't have one already.

How will the prize be given?
(DISCLAIMER: i DO NOT THINK I AM GOING TO WIN, BUT I AM MAKING SURE ABOUT THE PRIZE IF I DO.:D)
Because if you are going to up the points on gear, the gear i have isn't donor gear, so if the DP runs out i would lose it.

[JKR]

i just wanted to add, that i notice that nin9 is the lead so far, and i have nothing against that, but after now finally reading his submission, i believe people are confused of my submission, let me just add that the 'fighting blood and gore' is great and all, i just choose not to endulge myself in the hardcore ninja fights just yet, from my experience i'm trying to build up the story and not rush into anything...and so that is my defense on my submission should people choose not to really think about further down the line...you forget that there are A TON of areas that need writing for and we cant just hop on the killing ninja warrior train just yet...

i'm sorry nin 9 if this makes you mad, i just had to add it in there, i dont think this will sway any votes, i'm just saying my ideas

and if your voting based on who is friends and whos not, you are retarded and should be killed on the spot, this isnt 'whos in my clan' vote, this is for the game

i would not want anyone to vote for me just because they are in my clan

[Ninja9]

No, thats ok, i understand your point. But i feel if the story goes slowly then people will get bored with it.

[pappi]

you have my vote joker which is probably why i am still at 0.
but i agree the story should progress steadily to kanoya for the final battle

[Bones]

With joker's idea, arent there going to be more missions added near the end? if i got that right, where are they going to be? just in Kanoya as well, or a brand new area?

[JKR]

i agree that if the story is too slow no one will like it, but yet again we do have ALOT of areas to complete, if we finish the story up within the first 10, we will run out of good ideas by that time.

i'm sure another area can be added, like the 'gods' area on a remote island or something

[Gyuri]

it is such close race! ... who is going to win?!

[Ninja9]

What if its a tie?

I wouldn't mind joker's story being in place of mine, but i would like the prize.
Sound fair Joker?

[JKR]

i say paper rock sissors

hahahaha

i will think about it


only 1000 stat? i might consider it then again every bit helps

i'll try to get back later tonight

[Hashassin]

hehehe
i suppose i could give in and vote, swinging it one way or the other...........

[Gyuri]

ninja 9 is pulling ahead! ... what a close race ... lets say first one to 10 wins?

[JKR]

we can or we can uphold ninja 9s idea, give him the points, use my story


sounds fair


either way is good

hahaha

[Ninja9]

That was if it was a tie, Joker.

[JKR]

awww come on hahahaha no fun

[Ninja9]

Really?! I just need one more vote. How about first to nine?

[Gyuri]

oh man ... papi is coming back?! ... this is a pretty ninja comeback, will he take the win?

[Ninja9]

I thought that you wanted this competition to be over?! lol

[Gyuri]

yeah but I already said 10 is the winner ... I will just start the next competition :)

[JKR]

then i need four votes, b/c my story is better

ha!

hahahahahaha

i'll go ahead and say good job to ninja 9

i hope it was legit votes and not just clan votes

[Gyuri]

good call JKR, that is part of why I wanted to make it at least 10 votes. :)

[JKR]

i'm gonna have to change my story, grrrrrr hahaha

[JKR]

come on guys

vote for me

i'll give you candy

>;-)

[Hashassin]

candy you say.....?

hmmm.......strange clowns DO tend to have some damn good candy......

are you standing in a shadowy alleyway as you proffer said candies?

[JKR]

i would give candy yes, hahahahaa gooood candy >;-) the ones that make you smile.....perminately
hahaha


anyways, go ahead and give it to nin9, we need to get the rest down,

gyuri can we make it where you cannot 'win' these competitions twice in a row? if they do, the story will go in, but the award should go to next down...just covering grounds for later on, cuz it looks like only a few will submit

[Gyuri]

OK ... Ninja 9 wins! Congratulations!
Please send me a reminder with your id ninja 9 for your award.